Oh I know… we’re taught the opposite.
You’re not better than anyone.
Treat everyone as equals.
Level the playing field.
We’re all supposed to be the same.
And we are.
As far as rights and freedoms, humanity and decency.
But we aren’t as far as how we treat each other always.
I’m not advocating that you go out and run around with a juiced up ego that seeks to crush and destroy.
I don’t want you to treat people like garbage or think you are a better human than anyone else.
But I do want you to recognize your strengths more.
I do want you to have realistic expectations of others so you’re not so disappointed all the time.
I do want you to find a way to reframe your history so you can let it go and move forward with confidence.
In my practice we play with the idea of being a superior being.
In all the good ways.
And never the bad ways.
In ways that infuse both confidence and compassion.
Let’s toss in another cliche’ just for kicks.
Take the high road.
That’s what this is about.
Seriously – we’ve all been there.
We treat others how we want to be treated.
And then we’re disappointed.
Disappointed because we treated them well and they didn’t reciprocate.
Of disappointed because we treated them poorly and they did.
Our relationships with other people often exist as repetitive patterns in our lives and can cause deep wounds.
I get it.
I’ve been there.
I pour a lot into my friendships and relationships.
I am loyal to a fault, I am reliable, consistent, and solid.
I’m the best person to have in your corner during a crisis and equally the best to have being silly with you in a victory.
So when friendships end or relationships dissolve in sudden or negative ways…I can feel hurt and confused.
Abandoned and discarded.
I can allow that to slice through my confidence and fester like a wound or I can reframe the experience and move on.
The former is more natural, the latter takes more effort.
But it’s worth it.
One of the ways I’ve been able to rise above disappointment is by developing a healthy superiority complex.
1.Lean in heavy on insight.
First of all – this won’t be possible if you haven’t got any.
I’m not kidding.
Some people have not done their own work and personal growth and have zero insight.
In this case, and until you do, it’s a lost cause.
You’ll never be able to see your part in any distress in your life.
You’ll be stuck in perma-victim land.
And it’ll always be everyone else’s fault or ALL your fault or some other modification of those extremes.
Do your work first and know who you are and what you’re made of.
Then, you can have a clearer perspective on yourself and how you are with others.
Accept your contribution in actions, thoughts, patterns of behaviour, that might have contributed to whatever difficulty you’re experiencing right now.
Look at your current relationships and do an inventory of your past ones so that you can see where you continue to make errors in judgment at the very least.
Be humble enough to own that (because you get to feel superior later).
Bookmark it and address it going forward.
2. Don’t personalize.
In this insight, if you have done your own work, you might realize that you actually didn’t deserve the treatment you got.
In your self analysis you might feel even more confused because it came out of nowhere, or came without provocation.
These are the worst because you can’t even blame yourself.
These can hit the deepest because you wonder if it’s not what you did, but who you are!
And then what?
You’re left feeling like a piece of shit that no one really accepts but leaves behind as defective merchandise or thrown out trash?
Trust me, I’ve been there too.
Sometimes, most times, it’s not you….it’s them.
And I’m not just saying that to make you feel better.
People are self serving, self focused and focused on personal gain in so many areas of their lives.
Sometimes you’re just going to be collateral damage.
They’ve taken what they need and are now moving on.
This can be subtle in cases where we just outgrow people over time, but it can be drastic and dramatic and feel like a shock to the system, or a smack in the face.
Either way… stop taking it so personally.
People live in patterns and you’re not the first person they’ve done this to. You won’t be the last either.
How people treat you has nothing to do with you.
If you’ve been treated badly it’s a reflection of the person that did that, not you.
Stop allowing what other people do act like an infection that gets into your sense of self and starts to make it sick.
Reject false opinions of you.
Reject bad behaviour towards you.
Stop owning what other people project onto you as your problem.
Start seeing it for what it is – their problem. Their issues. Their unworked baggage.
And then disengage entirely.
3. Own that you’re superior.
You’re better than them.
If you’ve checked yourself and your insight and if you’ve depersonalized, to move forward you need to know that you’re better than them.
Be honest with this truth and get rid of false humility that doesn’t allow you to embrace this piece for you.
You are better than anyone who treats you poorly because you are better than their emotional deficiencies that allow them to do so.
You’re better than their sub-standard conscience and ethical derangement that would allow them to bully you, deceive you, and disrespect you.
They are a bullet you didn’t dodge but their absence will benefit you in the long run.
Allow the hurt, with a short lifespan.
Ditto on the confusion.
But don’t internalize this for a second.
You are better than them – at least in this way.
Where are you strong? Where are you successful? Where are you kind, generous, accepting, supportive?
Know what you bring to the table and own those strengths.
Let that permeate and internalize.
Take this to the next level.
Not just in this moment, look into your history.
What grudges or pain are you holding on to?
This is common with bullies in relationships and in friendships, in workplace and in some organized political or religious entities.
People that abuse power and try to keep you under their thumb.
Depressed and depleted.
Living under your potential.
Held hostage by events and altercations that happened in the past.
Being stuck in those moments will keep feelings of inadequacy over your head indefinitely.
Instead, own that you are superior.
Own that you are better than, because you’d never treat someone the way that you were treated.
Think of them as deficient, diseased, immature, un-evolved, pathological, or just weak and incapable.
Right now – think of people that have hurt you and how you’ve held onto that and think of them as small, incapable, weaklings that are deficient and lack the capacity to be at your level.
Think of the bullies in your life as sick and diseased.
What would you expect in terms of treatment or apology from someone that had a deteriorating brain disease, or that was psychotic or severely mentally ill?
What would your expectations be of their ability to have insight and make amends?
They’d be nothing.
You would feel sorry for them because they are unwell.
You would feel pity for them because they just haven’t grown up yet.
Aw poor thing…. tutt tutt… head pat… just like babies.
What happens when you reframe these people in your mind this way?
What do you notice change in your body, in your thoughts and emotions?
This can be a powerful exercise in imagination.
It can help you move beyond the hold these people and events have had over your life.
Think like, act like, feel like a superior being.
Set your standards high for your life, your values, and your circle of friends, coworkers, and influencers.
Believe that you deserve the best as you give out the best.
Seek people that are superior beings (not egomaniacs) to be part of your life.
Elevate your standards.
Release the deficient and incapable from your past – they don’t deserve to hold you back a second longer.
Allow hurt feelings to appear and pass through without denting your self esteem and what you know to be true about yourself.
I’ll tell you a truth.
You deserve to have people in your life that are reciprocal, respectful, and consistent in their character, their words and their actions.
You deserve to have people like that – like you – where you get to be imperfect, without judgment or rejection who treat you as well as you treat them.
Your job is to be the best person you can be – your most superior self and then fill in the blanks around you with people like you in this way.
You’re bound to find a few duds along the way.
Let. Them. Go.
Let them make space for the worthy.
In your mind let them go with compassion that they are not able to exist any differently right now.
This is their way and it doesn’t have to be yours.
Walk through fire as a superior being that you balance with compassion and focus on what you do well and you’re own work.
Sometimes we’re not all the same. Sometimes we choose to be better.