Online and off we are becoming hypersensitive, reactive and hostile. We are losing our sense of humour and our ability to connect with others. We are distracted and insecure and it’s causing us to disengage and be desensitized. We have little tolerance for diversity or difference of opinions.
Our egos are ruling our interactions and we brag about boundaries when really what we’re doing is using black and white behaviour and intolerance to cut people out of our lives.
Electronic or online communications are prime examples of how we are dehumanizing one another. Differences of opinions in a comment box are not a person – they are a comment box that we become irrationally offended by. We quickly type our views and if they are different from anyone else’s we are often met with name calling, insults, and put downs. Sometimes even threats, particularly for women.
If we don’t like what someone has to say or how we perceive they have said it online or electronically we unfriend, unfollow, and cut out. And then we say “boom. look at those boundaries I set”.
Sorry – this isn’t healthy and it’s not a boundary. It’s an intolerance for diversity and it’s immature. You will either end up with no friends or only be able to sit in stagnation with clones of you and yes-men and women that tell you what you want to hear. You will stop growing and become boring if you are surrounded only by clones of yourself.
Have conversations with people that are balanced, thoughtful, grounded and rational – and not the same as you. Allow people to challenge you, allow your mind to be open enough to entertain ideas with the freedom to accept or reject them at any time in a non defensive way. Give yourself permission to expand and evolve and change your mind at any time with new information.
Set boundaries around negative people but learn that setting boundaries isn’t cutting people out necessarily. Sometimes that’s warranted but other times you can show flexibility in who stays closer and is entrusted, who stays further away.
Stop being a hypocrite. You want people to like and love you for who you are, good and bad – to see the whole package and not be judgy or critical. And yet how are you in this area? Are you accepting of the whole person, good and bad, loving people just as they are? Or have you made this a one way street in your life for the sake of comfort, power, and ego? Take a good look at yourself in this area.
Start challenging yourself, censoring yourself, policing your own interactions with others. Get personal with people. Stop being afraid to use your voice and thoughtfully state your opinion. Stop being closed minded and defensive. Not everything is about you. Reactivity isn’t for grown ups.
Challenge yourself to be grown ups in your communication with others and in your relationships. Set a higher bar. Welcome debate and diversity so you can become a critical thinker and be able to have the mental flexibility to have tolerance to differences in thought, behaviour, and expression. We are here to be connected with others and to walk with each other through this life as we grow and stretch.
Collect and protect your tribe and make sure you have people that are grown ups that can challenge you. Love the differences in others instead of being hostile about it. Get over yourself and go deeper in this way.
You can be better in this area – we all can.
